If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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