I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
