I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
