But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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