how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
