Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
