I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
