Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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