the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
