I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
