Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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