We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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