Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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