There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
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