Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
