Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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