The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I don't want my vagina anymore.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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