Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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