you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
