yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
