Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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