someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
