It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
