I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
