these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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