There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
