is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
