Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
