Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
