She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
