she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It's official drugs can't kill me
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
