Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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