U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
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