he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
