I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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