He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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