So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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