I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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