I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
should my penis look like a turkey
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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