I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
