dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
