nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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