There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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