Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
