so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
