this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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