My Higher Power is John Stamos
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
