He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
