3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Farmville is her only friend.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
