Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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