Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
