You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We don't watch enough power rangers
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
