I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
