My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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